Late night rain

The rain is falling hard on the sky light and the music in the other room plays soffy. I think of today and I can't help but regret how I let the stress get to me today. It's time to take a second or two and reflect. I've chosen to pick 5 good things that happened today! 

1. I got to listen to the kids play together as the sun broke through the windows. It's one of my top 5 favorite sounds! 

2. A shower. If you have any kind of stress in your life, need I say more? Especially moms! I loved showers before I had kids, but I think I love them 100 times more now as a mom! 

3. We are on the road to healthier living. After 2 weeks of the crud following my family around it's on it's way out the door

4. Snuggles and giggles. Should almost be counted as indiviudual items but hearing them and feeling them are the best. We need to relish in them more often 

5. A movie night with my husband. My best friend. My love. 

With the stress of sick kids and sick adults we loose our tempers. We do and say things we aren't happy about. Things get muddy. Much like what it would be if I stepped outside right now. I would feel the fat heavy rain on my body slowly weighing me down. But in the same few moments it would be soothing...cleansing...and I would know, that in the end I will dry off and soon,  tomorrow or even in a few hours, everything will be ok! There may be mud in your life, but after a heavy rain there is always fresh clean air to breathe into your lungs and renew your spirit! Maybe that's what I love most! 

 

Top 10 of 2014

 

10. Paying off our debt 

9. Traveling to Ohio, even though the reason not so amazing, seeing everybody was so comforting. 

8. The summer play dates. We all looked forward to those days

7.  Big changes for each child, school, getting rid of a binky, and crawling 

6. Committing my self to goals 

5. Moving to a bigger home 

4. My Family coming to visit us 

3. Hawaii 

2.  Growig in my love for God, Sean, and my children

1. Becoming a family of 5

Christmas morning

It's Christmas morning and as the sun peaks through my curtains I lay awaiting the sounds of my children waking up. Their little bodies are still and restful. I hear a little yawn and I know soon all the excitement will begin! As a child I looked forward to getting as many presents as I could, but as an adult I look forward to seeing Christmas through my child's eyes. I enjoy my littlest cozying up next to me; sharing our warmth with each other. Christmas morning is about to begin! 

Sean and I sneak into the girls' room awaking them with hugs, kisses, and a simple, "it's Christmas." Their sleepy eyes light up with excitement, asking, "Did Santa come last night?"  As we all head to the living room, sequels of pure adolescent joy emerges from Emma. I think Grace in shock because she has ever seen so many presents!

 The first thing they unwrapp is from Santa! Bikes!!  My heart burns with happiness, growing inside me so I dont burst. At breakfast I remind them that all though we get lots of nice things there is more to Christmas then just gifts. Emma says, "oh I know mama! It's about loving, sharing, family, and Jesus's Birthday! (Love that smart little cookie!) 

 As Sean and I finish our breakfast, Emma and Grace take their bikes for a test run around the house. The rest of the day is filled with fun, excitement, and lots of play time! They go to bed with a full belly and smiles on their faces. I'm so thankful for them, the family we have (near and far) who love them, and everything Christmas reminds us of. 

Another minute passes

Christmas is full of so many exciting things! I mean, who doesn't love this time of the year? But sometimes it can get hectic and even a little insane! My kids love all that there is to do around this time of the year...and so do I! The only problem is, with all the hustle and bustle sometimes we loose sight of what Christmas is really suppose to be about. So this year, take a few minutes and let the time pass by with nothing but silence, sit with your kids and talk with them, enjoy a book, take a hot shower (alone moms, no kids allowed I the bathroom!), reflect,  or talk about the true meaning of Christmas. Fun things don't always have to be on the move! 

Christmas + a 4 year old = the season of I want!

At the beginning of December Emma was so excited about it being Christmas soon! Every time the tv came on I heard, mama,I want that! Mama I want that too! Mama...do you think Santa will bring me that if I ask him too..... Well you get the point! For a 4 year old, it's all about the gifts! And rightly so....their innocence of life is still running strong. They don't fully understand money, bills, homelessness, and truly going without. Don't get me wrong, emma gets not getting something for herself at the store, but her needs vs wants are somewhat blurred! (Aren't all of our in a way though?)

So here I am, trying my hardest to teach her that Christmas is about giving and not receiving...but the next day asking what she wants for Christmas. Great job Mom! 

After trying my hardest, we decided to do a few things to teacher her that not only do you get gifts during Christmas, but you can give to make people happy too! I  know I feel happiest when I can see the joy something simple can bring a person. So today we went and the girls each donated a jacket to a teen parent program. They were so excited and Emma wanted to write a note to the kid who got her jacket saying that Emma hoped the kid would enjoy the jacket as much as Emma did! We also talked about maybe cutting her hair so that somebody could make a wig out of it for a kid who doesn't have hair. He eyes got so big and she yelled out, "yeah!! And we could do it ever Christmas!"  It melted my heart that she was so excited to share her hair with others. People who may not know her might not know how important her hair is to her! She has only trimmed it a few times and it's all the way down to her butt. Anytime we talk about cutting it she gets mad and says, "no!" So we were so surprised to hear her change of heart! Not saying that we are actually going to cut it, but to hear her excitement about heling another child was a wonderful step in the right direction! 

I'm proud to say she is growing into such a sweet and caring little girl. I hope that she understands the spirit of giving and the spirit of Christmas more and more each year! 

When I feel Helpless

When the girls were born, it didn't matter how much Sean tried, they always wanted mama when it was time for bed. As much as I loved this, I also was ready for a break now and then! However, it never came! Even now, Grace at 27 months old, will call out for me in the middle of the night and occasionally Emma at almost 5 does. 

      Things are different with Parker though. Some nights  when he is really full, I end up completely helpless! He doesn't take a pacifier and if he is full he gets so mad at me. He can smell "the goods" but if I let him nurse like he wants it just makes him more mad because he is overly full then!! But!!!!! I feel such relief knowing that Sean can help me this time around. So thankful! He can go in there and in less than 10 min, that boy goes right to sleep! It's amazing! I can't express how great it is knowing I have somebody to back me up when I need it! 

Coffee

The other morning, after late night candy induced comas and late night teething I got up with the family and made french toast. But before I stared to slice the loaf of french bread and beat the eggs Sean handed me a cup of coffee. It was probably the best tasting coffee I've had in such a long time. I don't know if Sean just makes it better or if I was in desperate need of a coffee iv. I do know that it's such a small thing for him to do but made my morning so special. Breakfast even went smoother and tasted better!  I love how so many simple things can make your day brighter. Remember to be kind to others! I have learned from my own mistakes and mistakes or others... You never know! Something as simple as a good cup of coffee can make their day, week, or month! 

Reminders

As I lay in bed, completely exhausted from being up with a teething baby the night before, I am comforted and saddened at the same time. My little boy is laying next to me, happy as can be. He's grabbing at everything he can....my shirt, my arm, my hair, my face... But I am reminded of one small thing...we will never have this exact moment ever again.  Of course this is true in so many things, but regardless, its sad sometimes to think about. Never again will his hands be so amazingly interesting to him as they are this morning. Never again (although there will be many sleepless nights) will last night be like last night. As he nurses this morning and he looks up at me with those big beautiful slate green eyes, I secretly hope that he doesn't grow up anymore! 😉 but that hope quickly changes to anticipation for him to be able to wake up and enjoy morning giggles with his sisters. Parenthood is sometimes hard and I feel like we all have moments that we wish would just pass. And although last night I wished desperately that this teething would just come and go, somehow with one little look from him, I am reminded that every day my kids are growing and if I am always wanting the hard moments to come and go, I won't fully be able to enjoy all the sweet moments that come along with a baby who doesn't want to sleep. The cuddles. The giggles. The hugs. The glances of appreciation from his sweet little face as I nurse him back to sleep. I guess if I have to feel exhausted to appreciate the little moments more, then bring on the coffee! 

Birthday

My first birthday! 

Tomorrow I turn 30! I can't believe it! Some would be sad they are leaving their twenties behind and are getting to that stage that so many think is old! I remember when I was a little kid, I thought 30 was ancient! Emma thinks 15 is ancient and it cracks me up when she tries to use age as a reference to things being so grown up. "Mommy when I'm 15 can I..." When I get married I'm going to be so old! Like 17 years old!" "You think I could start drinking pop when I'm old, maybe like 13 or something..."  

But instead if being sad, I think it's time to start getting excited. Don't get me wrong, turning 30 can sound pretty daunting, but I'm sad for other reasons. A lot of wonderful things happened in my 20's and it's sad to see them go... I graduated college, got married, got a dog, bought a house, had three beautiful children, and ....lived happily ever after.... The end! Hahaha! Just kidding! 

However, I can't help but think, if being 20+ was so great, why can't 30+ be 10 times better? We may not have big birthday plans like I originally wanted, but being with my family, having a laid back kind of night with some amazing cake, yeah... I could go for that! My littles will get older and spending a special day with their mom, might not be something they will want to do when they turn 30 😩. So yeah, I'm going to enjoy this special day that's all about me. I know, it sounds a little selfish... Ok a lot selfish... But why not? Having a day about yourself can help put things into perspective... This year it's going to help me see all that I have achieved and all that I can achieve in the near future! 🎉🎁👍🎈

The blessings in our lives

So many times, when things aren't going so well, we forget about the wonderful blessings in our life. About how some of the smallest acts of kindness or words of encouragement can change our entire day. Today, as I was in church and I started to think about all the wonderful things in my life I have been blessed with a strong marriage, a loving family, wonderful children, my health, and my heart. Wait? What?! Did I just say my heart?!? 

Yep! My heart is so blessed! Somehow, some way, it continues to grow in ways I didn't know it could. When Sean and I got married it was one of the happiest days of my life. I knew, through thick and thin, Sean would be there! The love I have for him is a forever kind of love. The kind you hear of and see in the movies... Like in The Notebok. Yes, I just made that reference, but if you've seen it you know what I mean! After having Emma I thought, I could never love another child as much as I love her! I was worried when we had Grace that maybe I wouldn't be able to love her as well as I loved Emma. But the Lord blessed my heart and it must have grown 400% because I love them both so much! It's crazy how even on the worst of days they can make me smile, laugh, and yes, even love them more! Then we had Parker. And I thought how is this going to work? Sean will be gone the majority of the day and I will be completely out numbered! How will I be able to give them all as much love as they need to grow and to learn to love each other if I can not love them all equally? Well, I think when you go into labor and you have a baby, your body goes through so many changes And maybe you don't realize how much your heart is growing. Or better yet, maybe when you have a baby (through labor or even adoption) part of your heart is transferred into your child and there is no physical way that you cannot love them with everything you have! 

Then when everything seems to be going right, something happens. For us, it's usually a lay off. No job and no money makes for a stressful life. But always in my heart, I know God has a plan and he will provide work when we need it. And He does! Maybe, when times are hard, it's a time for our hearts to recharge. For us to find the things that really matter to us and hold onto them as tight as we can. When we work but we don't find time to rest and to take life in, we forget about all the important stuff. And the next the time you want to count your blessing, thank God for the love in your heart. The next time things seem to horrible and you think how can this be a good thing... Take a second and recharged. Trust that He has a plan and there is always a loving heart in that plan! 

A huge piece of my heart 

What I was born to do

Recently I have been thinking about how I am as a mother. I know I have many faults and at times very little patience, but I feel like being a mother was what I was born to do. Not saying I don't have other jobs that I would be good at, but I feel like when I do go back to work, it will be in a "mothering" type roll. It's just who I am. I hope that when my children get older and they are asked what kind of mom they had, they remember the caring, loving, silly mom I tried to be. I hope they remember how ever night I tell them I love them, how smart they are, how beautiful inside and out they are, how special they are to me. I hope they remember all the fun things we do together and not my sometimes short temper. I'm not perfect but I will do everything I can to help keep those memories alive! I love being a mama and I love the joy and excitement these little people bring me every day! 

"You are my sunshine,

My only sunshine. 

You make me happy, 

When skies are grey. 

You'll never know dear, 

How much I love you! 

Please don't take, 

My sunshine, away!"